Facts From Sac: The Definitive Guide to Gavin-isms

Translating What the Gov. Says to What the Gov. Means

In the last year, Governor Newsom has made a number of statements that, to put it bluntly, are completely detached from reality.

For a while, we were worried the Governor was being dishonest with Californians, telling people one thing but doing another.

Eventually, we realized the true meaning of his words was just getting lost in translation.

To help you avoid the same confusion, we’ve prepared a handy pocket guide for translating Newsom-ese into English.

HOUSING:

Newsom-ese

We want to direct $331 million to fund free legal aid to help renters and homeowners facing eviction and foreclosure.

English

After a five-year fight to steal $331 million intended to help struggling homeowners, I am required by a court order to spend the money appropriately. I will hold a press conference to pretend that it was my idea all along.

Newsom-ese

My administration is using every tool at our disposal to combat the housing affordability crisis our families face.

English

I’ll try to cover up a study showing excessive fees from local governments are driving up the cost of housing. I won’t lift a finger to streamline home construction or lower costs.

Newsom-ese

[I] will lead the effort to develop the 3.5 million new housing units we need by 2025 because our solutions must be as bold as the problem is big.

English

My first year in office, permits to build new homes will drop 20% from the previous year, the first decline since the Great Recession.

Newsom-ese

What I did assume, and you’ll see language in the budget, is that corporate California steps up and helps us on the housing front [with a $500 million per year investment].

English

Google is committing $100 million per year to affordable housing. That other $400 million will come from, uh, somewhere. Maybe.

Newsom-ese

I’m disappointed by the committee’s decision [to shelve a controversial bill to ramp up housing near transit and do away with single family zoning].

English

I wouldn’t take a position on a controversial housing bill before it was shelved for the year. Right around the time favorable polling about the bill came out, I conveniently became very disappointed that the proposal had stalled.

SPENDING:

Newsom-ese

All of this will be whittled down and we all will live within our means. We’re not going to deviate from being fiscally prudent.

English

The first budget I will sign will be loaded with hundreds of millions in pork, including $3.5 million for dog parks. Funding for Parkinson’s disease research won’t make the cut though.

TAXES:

Newsom-ese

[California is eliminating the sales tax on diapers & menstrual products because] we can afford to do that and it’s the right thing to do.

English

California will pause sales tax collections on diapers & menstrual products for five years. Wait, no. Two years. Something like that.

HIGH-SPEED RAIL

Newsom-ese

Right now, there simply isn’t a path to get [High-Speed Rail] from Sacramento to San Diego, let alone from San Francisco to LA.

English

Never mind the spiraling costs, years-long delays and corruption - absolutely nothing is changing. All aboard!

Newsom-ese

We’re going to hold contractors and consultants accountable to explain how taxpayer dollars are spent – including change orders, cost overruns, even travel expenses.

English

I’ll fire oil & gas regulators for appearing to have ties to the industry, but actual corruption at High-Speed Rail will just get a slap on the wrist.

HOMELESSNESS

Newsom-ese

As Governor, [I] will appoint a State Homelessness Secretary to oversee an Interagency Council on Homelessness – because we need statewide leadership laser-focused on this problem.

English

Months into my term as Governor, I will not have appointed a homelessness secretary.

Newsom-ese

I’m going to announce my nominee for the Homelessness Secretary tomorrow, April 16.

English

Just kidding!

DEATH PENALTY

Newsom-ese

If ever I was in a position to actually be accountable [for carrying out death sentences], I would be accountable to the will of the voters. I would not put my personal opinions in the way of the public’s right to make a determination of where they want to take us as it relates to the death penalty.

English

I am going to put my personal opinion of the death penalty above the will of the voters, siding with cop killers and child molesters over the families of their victims.

IMMIGRATION

Newsom-ese

[I] will travel to El Salvador in early April and meet with leaders to learn about root causes of migration.

English

The causes of migration are well understood, but I’m traveling to El Salvador to grandstand with a multiday photo-op to raise my national profile.

VACCINES

Newsom-ese

I like doctor-patient relationships, bureaucratic relationships are more challenging for me. So [a bill to limit medical exemptions to California’s vaccine requirement is] just a broad stroke. I’m a parent, I don’t want someone that the governor of California appointed to make a decision for my family.

English

I will support a bill to limit medical exemptions to California’s vaccine requirement.

SLOGANS

Newsom-ese

#CaliforniaForAll

English

The rich get richer. The poor get trapped in poverty. And the middle class get a U-Haul to Texas.

The issues facing our state are controversial and reasonable people can disagree about how to approach these problems.

But there’s one thing we should all agree on – Californians deserve honest leaders who say what they mean and mean what they say.